Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
