the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
