I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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