Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
