I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
