I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My life is pants optional.
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