So drunk its hurt
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
