Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
