Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His nipple licking is glorious
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
