And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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