About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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