you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
