Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
