I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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