I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
