youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
