Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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