Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
