Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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