I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
