She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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