Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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