If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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