Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
