I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
