So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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