we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
