Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize