hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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