Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
