Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
