her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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