When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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