I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize