i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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