she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
