if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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