I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize