Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
