i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
