OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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