I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
