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so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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