Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
