that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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