I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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