last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize