She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
