Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
