i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We need to get me chipped asap
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
