Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm passing your future prison.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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