nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize