Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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