I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
