i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
