Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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