Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
