Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize