There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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