who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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