I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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