I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
