We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
