I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
