i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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