why didn't you poke me back
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
