my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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