I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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