That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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