hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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