If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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