I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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