This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
