The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
