Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
