I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
