I'm gonna have a badass scar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
