yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
