Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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