i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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