sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the day after is always just damage control
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
