I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
