I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize