That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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