the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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