what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
