he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
